The Blue Patched Couch

First I have to say thank you!  Thank you to my many friends who wrote me and told me I was being too hard on myself.  One said there was no way I could have done all that -- even if I was doing the work in the daylight hours and my kids were in daycare/school. Another said she was amazed I lasted as long as I did. A day out I am feeling better.  I still feel guilty, but this guilt is mostly directed toward the people who were my references.  I wish I could tell them this, somehow though I fear this would be a terribly awkward out of the blue conversation.

I want to make clear though I in no way regret my choice to be home, even if initially it wasn't my choice.  I absolutely love being home with my kids!

Yes there are the moments like today when my son proclaimed at the top of the slide at a park 40 mins from home that he had to go to the bathroom, and then almost immediately had an accident for the entire park to see.  Nothing better than walking a waddling, crying toddler out of a park, knowing there is a big puddle at the top of the slide and there is nothing I can do about it.  Then the drive home, with him naked waste down, praying that we don't have to stop suddenly because cant imagine that would be fun for him, even in his young age.

Instead I focus on the good, like this afternoon when my daughter was taking her nap my son and I built a car store, "CarMac" out of legos.  He wanted it to be just like the one where we recently sold our old car. He put two cars on top.  I am constantly amazed by his imagination. Later he told me how he was doing the crazy dance just like his friend at school -- with bunny ears and all.  I also love that I wake up every morning in no rush and can thoroughly enjoy nursing my daughter and the giggles that ensue.  She is beautiful, she has the biggest smile and her life is flying by...how she is nearly 9 months, escapes me.  It seems like just yesterday I was pregnant.

The joys of being a SAHM are endless.  There are long days but I wouldn't trade them for anything. I still think I could have done the job had all the insanity that ensued hadn't happened.  A bright side is now I am going to try to chronicle the adventures of being home all day with a monkey and a cupcake....happy reading!