Being a SAHM is not a luxury

I haven't written in awhile, but today I was so fired up by the whole Ann Romney/Hillary Rosen debate I typed while I could. Here goes nothing....

Since I heard about Hillary Rosen’s comments this morning my mind has been swirling with thoughts. Its 1:04 pm, let’s see when this thing actually gets posted.

First, being a SAHM is hard. Period. At 12:47 pm my 3 year old son looked at me and asked why I was still in my pajamas? Not because I was being lazy, but because I hadn’t had a chance to change. Thankfully my 6 month old daughter is taking a nap so I am now dressed. Haven’t showered, but clean clothes is a bonus.

Since last Tuesday, I have done 23 loads of laundry. Yes, I counted. That’s what happens when you have two sick kids, one puking and one with green Hershey squirts because of a reaction to medication. Son woke up puking at 635 am last Tuesday, a few minutes after I walked in from spending all night in the ER with daughter.
I get on average 2-3 showers a week. I have to plan them.

Last night I went to bed early. It was 3:23 am. I am doing freelance work to supplement our income. I get, if lucky, 4-5 hours of sleep a night.

I have used nearly every item of clothing I own as a tissue.

My life is so carefree and without “work” it’s hilarious.

My two “bosses” are a 3 year old boy who has a mind of his own. He can be the sweetest little gentleman on the planet one minute, and a complete spazoid the next. Terrorists don’t need torture. The whining musings of toddlers on end will get them to spill the beans I can assure you. If this didn’t get them to talk, the cries of a baby teething surely would. At least my son can articulate what’s wrong. With my daughter it’s a constant guessing game. Guessing wrong sometimes makes me want to pull my hair out.

Yes my husband I made the choice for me to stay home, but this certainly was not a choice we initially made. Like millions of other Americans, I was laid off. TWICE.

First time was six days before we learned I was pregnant with our son. Second time was when my son was barely a year old and 6 months into my husband’s unemployment. So while I was fortunate to get a job 7.5 months pregnant, by the time my son turned 1, both his Mom and Dad were unemployed. Summer of 2009 was filled with Ramen, no AC, and lots of prayers.

Don’t talk to me about struggles or having the luxury of staying home. I cut coupons. My husband and I regularly discuss the thermostat settings that I keep low/high depending on the season to cut back our bills. I am so close to eliminating cable it’s not even funny. And no, I am not kidding.

My industry doesn’t exist anymore. I am in the process of going to back to school to change careers. In the meantime, I am home. We are not rich. Mitt Romney probably makes more in interest in a week than my husband earns in a month, maybe even two. We make lots of sacrifices. Haven’t had a date night in I don’t know how long. Have had more cereal dinners in the last three years than I did in my first 30.
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It’s now 3:24 pm. Load number 24 is in the wash and I am on third change since my original change at 12:47. I am back in pj bottoms. I gave my daughter a wash cloth bath on her changing table and wound up giving myself a wipes-wash because my hands and arms were nothing short of hazardous. Had the outfit she obliterated not been one on loan I would have cut it to get off. The Oxy-clean stain gel I bought less than 48 hours ago is more than ½ gone. My $1.70 lunch is in the microwave. At least my kids are entertaining themselves for the moment, although I did just lose my patience when my son asked me for the 1000th time today if we are going to the playground. The answer is still no.
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Now it’s 6:02 pm. I should be doing my work, but I am fired up and need to finish this. In case you are keeping track at home, while no new load of laundry is in, I have changed yet again. This time the pj bottoms are inside out. I know those who criticize SAHMs think this is glamorous. I know they are jealous.

This debate today angers me on so many levels. First, why do women feel the need to constantly berate each other for the choices they make? Being a SAHM, whether by choice or by accident, is not easy and is certainly not for everyone.

One friend has a utopian vision of what child rearing should be like and entail. She has a smile on during the day but I know is miserable being home all the time. Nothing is wrong with going back to work (assuming she can find it) but she believes her children are better suited with her constant presence. Likewise, working outside the home boasts its own challenges. Some women thrive at it. I have one friend who works in a very stressful job but somehow managed to get a picture of her daughter every single day of her first year of life. I was and am still amazed by this. I am not sure I have 365 different pictures of my monkey and cupcake combined, let alone even one of them. There is not a doubt in my mind she loves her daughter as much as I love my own children.

Women need to do what’s best for them and what fits their family. But staying home is not a luxury. This, above all else today, is probably what made me most angry. Another friend is a single mom. God Bless Her. Instead of going back to work in her chosen field – and she has a masters no less – she decided to take a job as a nanny so she could be with her son during those early years. I would pity the person who made the mistake of implying to her she was anything close to rich or lead an extravagant lifestyle. The sacrifices she has made are endless. I have told her more times than I care to count, I genuinely have no clue how she does it. She and other single moms/military moms are my heroes.

Why has our system gotten so out of whack that it’s ok to go after people for their own personal choices that in no way affect others. I believe many women who genuinely want to stay home could, it would require sacrifice and planning and certainly needs a supportive partner, as well as a village. If Hillary Rosen really wanted to stay home, she could. I would be stunned to find out otherwise. Maybe she couldn’t always go to Starbucks or eat at The Palm, but she could stay home. She doesn’t want to, and that’s fine.

My second point is to ask why is it ok to go after someone just because the other side did it. Rosen is no more the mouthpiece of Obama than Rush is of Mitt. Rush was wrong, dead wrong, to go after the Georgetown student. His words were visceral and counterproductive. And the GOP partisans that beat up Michelle Obama for her healthy eating campaign are just idiots. Michelle Obama is right on this issue, 1000%. But today of FB I saw all kinds of comments about how Rosen’s comments were somehow justified because GOP does it all the time. BOTH ARE WRONG!

Let’s discuss issues and come up with policy solutions so that every woman who really wants to stay home knows she can. And let’s not keep tearing each other down and vilifying women who do work outside the home as somehow elitist uncaring mothers.

At the end of the day we are all on the same team. We want to raise children that will be productive members of society that know just how much their moms and dads love them. As long as your kid doesn’t hurt my kid, I really don’t care how you go about doing this. Neither should anyone else.

It’s 6:39. Disney chicken time is calling, with a side of tater tots. Yeah, it’s five star dining at its finest.