Being a SAHM is not a luxury

I haven't written in awhile, but today I was so fired up by the whole Ann Romney/Hillary Rosen debate I typed while I could. Here goes nothing....

Since I heard about Hillary Rosen’s comments this morning my mind has been swirling with thoughts. Its 1:04 pm, let’s see when this thing actually gets posted.

First, being a SAHM is hard. Period. At 12:47 pm my 3 year old son looked at me and asked why I was still in my pajamas? Not because I was being lazy, but because I hadn’t had a chance to change. Thankfully my 6 month old daughter is taking a nap so I am now dressed. Haven’t showered, but clean clothes is a bonus.

Since last Tuesday, I have done 23 loads of laundry. Yes, I counted. That’s what happens when you have two sick kids, one puking and one with green Hershey squirts because of a reaction to medication. Son woke up puking at 635 am last Tuesday, a few minutes after I walked in from spending all night in the ER with daughter.
I get on average 2-3 showers a week. I have to plan them.

Last night I went to bed early. It was 3:23 am. I am doing freelance work to supplement our income. I get, if lucky, 4-5 hours of sleep a night.

I have used nearly every item of clothing I own as a tissue.

My life is so carefree and without “work” it’s hilarious.

My two “bosses” are a 3 year old boy who has a mind of his own. He can be the sweetest little gentleman on the planet one minute, and a complete spazoid the next. Terrorists don’t need torture. The whining musings of toddlers on end will get them to spill the beans I can assure you. If this didn’t get them to talk, the cries of a baby teething surely would. At least my son can articulate what’s wrong. With my daughter it’s a constant guessing game. Guessing wrong sometimes makes me want to pull my hair out.

Yes my husband I made the choice for me to stay home, but this certainly was not a choice we initially made. Like millions of other Americans, I was laid off. TWICE.

First time was six days before we learned I was pregnant with our son. Second time was when my son was barely a year old and 6 months into my husband’s unemployment. So while I was fortunate to get a job 7.5 months pregnant, by the time my son turned 1, both his Mom and Dad were unemployed. Summer of 2009 was filled with Ramen, no AC, and lots of prayers.

Don’t talk to me about struggles or having the luxury of staying home. I cut coupons. My husband and I regularly discuss the thermostat settings that I keep low/high depending on the season to cut back our bills. I am so close to eliminating cable it’s not even funny. And no, I am not kidding.

My industry doesn’t exist anymore. I am in the process of going to back to school to change careers. In the meantime, I am home. We are not rich. Mitt Romney probably makes more in interest in a week than my husband earns in a month, maybe even two. We make lots of sacrifices. Haven’t had a date night in I don’t know how long. Have had more cereal dinners in the last three years than I did in my first 30.
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It’s now 3:24 pm. Load number 24 is in the wash and I am on third change since my original change at 12:47. I am back in pj bottoms. I gave my daughter a wash cloth bath on her changing table and wound up giving myself a wipes-wash because my hands and arms were nothing short of hazardous. Had the outfit she obliterated not been one on loan I would have cut it to get off. The Oxy-clean stain gel I bought less than 48 hours ago is more than ½ gone. My $1.70 lunch is in the microwave. At least my kids are entertaining themselves for the moment, although I did just lose my patience when my son asked me for the 1000th time today if we are going to the playground. The answer is still no.
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Now it’s 6:02 pm. I should be doing my work, but I am fired up and need to finish this. In case you are keeping track at home, while no new load of laundry is in, I have changed yet again. This time the pj bottoms are inside out. I know those who criticize SAHMs think this is glamorous. I know they are jealous.

This debate today angers me on so many levels. First, why do women feel the need to constantly berate each other for the choices they make? Being a SAHM, whether by choice or by accident, is not easy and is certainly not for everyone.

One friend has a utopian vision of what child rearing should be like and entail. She has a smile on during the day but I know is miserable being home all the time. Nothing is wrong with going back to work (assuming she can find it) but she believes her children are better suited with her constant presence. Likewise, working outside the home boasts its own challenges. Some women thrive at it. I have one friend who works in a very stressful job but somehow managed to get a picture of her daughter every single day of her first year of life. I was and am still amazed by this. I am not sure I have 365 different pictures of my monkey and cupcake combined, let alone even one of them. There is not a doubt in my mind she loves her daughter as much as I love my own children.

Women need to do what’s best for them and what fits their family. But staying home is not a luxury. This, above all else today, is probably what made me most angry. Another friend is a single mom. God Bless Her. Instead of going back to work in her chosen field – and she has a masters no less – she decided to take a job as a nanny so she could be with her son during those early years. I would pity the person who made the mistake of implying to her she was anything close to rich or lead an extravagant lifestyle. The sacrifices she has made are endless. I have told her more times than I care to count, I genuinely have no clue how she does it. She and other single moms/military moms are my heroes.

Why has our system gotten so out of whack that it’s ok to go after people for their own personal choices that in no way affect others. I believe many women who genuinely want to stay home could, it would require sacrifice and planning and certainly needs a supportive partner, as well as a village. If Hillary Rosen really wanted to stay home, she could. I would be stunned to find out otherwise. Maybe she couldn’t always go to Starbucks or eat at The Palm, but she could stay home. She doesn’t want to, and that’s fine.

My second point is to ask why is it ok to go after someone just because the other side did it. Rosen is no more the mouthpiece of Obama than Rush is of Mitt. Rush was wrong, dead wrong, to go after the Georgetown student. His words were visceral and counterproductive. And the GOP partisans that beat up Michelle Obama for her healthy eating campaign are just idiots. Michelle Obama is right on this issue, 1000%. But today of FB I saw all kinds of comments about how Rosen’s comments were somehow justified because GOP does it all the time. BOTH ARE WRONG!

Let’s discuss issues and come up with policy solutions so that every woman who really wants to stay home knows she can. And let’s not keep tearing each other down and vilifying women who do work outside the home as somehow elitist uncaring mothers.

At the end of the day we are all on the same team. We want to raise children that will be productive members of society that know just how much their moms and dads love them. As long as your kid doesn’t hurt my kid, I really don’t care how you go about doing this. Neither should anyone else.

It’s 6:39. Disney chicken time is calling, with a side of tater tots. Yeah, it’s five star dining at its finest.

On Facebook yesterday I was reminded that many people list things
They are grateful for in November. This was timely because my new plan is to come on everyday and list one silver lining in life that I saw or experienced which helps me deal with our 800 sf of love.

The idea came to me the othernight as I was sitting on couch in living room. Our bathrooom is less than 30 feet away. I was nursing honeybee and my husband was giving the monkey a bath. They were laughing and playing. I kept hearing 'daddy do it again!' I couldn't help but smile. I turned tv off and just listened. It went on for about 15 minutes and the joy coming from the room filled our small home. I couldn't help but think if we lived in our 'someday house' I never would have heArd it. Typing this three days later still makes me happy and helps me cope with our small quarters.

About a year ago a friend asked if my dislike of our small home was all encompassing. I said yes because it's the one thing I would give my right arm - literally - to change. He then asked does it affect my life, meaning my happiness, marriage, state of mind? I thought for a second and said no.

That's when it hit me: this problem we have is at the end of the day superficial. I have friends who are single parents with no support; friends in loveless marriages; whose kids have serious health issues; whose spouses have jobs taking them from home for months at a time and countless other issues. At the end of the day we are happy and healthy. This is what I need to focus on.

So there you have it 365:1. I really hope I can keep it up. Now a housekeeping note, please forgive typos because this is being typed on new iPhone and there are a lot of things to get used to.

Television

I have so many random posts during the day that I want to post here and just never have the energy. My little honey bee keeps me up nights and my monkey runs me ragged during the day. That said, I do love my life.

There is a commecial though that makes me sad. I am writing this commentary tonight because hoping I have the energy to write happy commentary tomorrow. I have an idea for happy commentary and want to see how long I can keep it going.

The commercial is for Lowe's. It has fun music and follows a couple from their wedding day through when their kids are grown. Its genious. The theme is "dont stop." With each new scene they make their house bigger and better.

This is something we will likely never do. I say this as fact, not as anything other than that. Reality is, we will own this condo since there is no way we can sell it, for the rest of our lives...or at least for a very long time. We can't stay here forever. I have a target move out date of April 1 at the latest, preferably Feb 1. We would rent this place. We are simpley too big. We have too much stuff, no matter what I pitch.

So we rent our place. And we continue to rent for years to come. Maybe we can buy a new place in 15 years, if we are lucky. But where that would be is anyone's guess. Point being, our life is on hold. We are stuck. We played by the rules and we got screwed.

But we have each other. We have our beautiful kids, who I must say were adorable tonight on Halloween. My son as an officer just makes me melt every time I look at the picture. And my daughter as a honeybee sleeping was too precious for words. Kim Kardashian may have way more money than we ever will, but God willing our marriage will last 72 years, and if we are all in this condo together, in the end thats fine with me.

Its time to tell the WHOLE story

President Obama announced with much fan fare today, and the media certainly played the part by hyping it as top story almost everywhere, that the goverment was announcing a new plan to help underwater homeowners.

The Washington Post had this story on its website by noon. I read it anxiously as I waited to pick up my son from preschool. Had someone finally decided to help the good people like us who never miss payments, who have excellent credit, who are just getting screwed by the big banks?? Were my prayers FINALLY being answered.

No.

Turns out that this program like so much of what the government has tried to do up to this point to help homeowners only applies to those whose loans are backed by Fannie or Freddie. What about the rest of us??

My first instinct was to email the reporter and tell him to look into it. But now I have decided I am going to try to look into it for myself, even if its only for me and the 10 or so people that read this, or I should say get this in email, who knows if anyone reads it.

So over the coming weeks I will find out who else this applies to and what, if anything can be done about it.

The sooner we refiniance our 800 sf of love, the sooner we can move out. The sooner we move out the sooner we start planning for the future and maybe, dare I dream, buy another house, our Someday House. This will be house we grow old in and watch our children grow in. We are the people the experts say need to start spending again, but we can't start spending until we know what we will be responsible for in the future for a home that will likely not regain its value for another 10 years.

So, if you are a homeowner whose house is underwater and who has not missed payments, but is not eligible for the government programs because your loan is not backed by Fannie or Freddie, PLEASE let me know. I am going to use my reporting skills, dusting them off after four years...figure its about time, please send me an email or comment here with a way to reach you.

Our story is not a singular one. Perhaps the more voices we give to this, the more likely we too can get a chance. I don't want to get off without paying what we owe, we signed the note thats our responsibility. I get that and would expect nothing less. What I do want is a chance to move forward and live my life. We can't do this until we refinance. Is that asking too much???

What I have been up to..

In addition to getting ready for #2, due any day now, I have also begun blogging on occasion for BeCentsAble. This is a blog I have followed since I first started trying to save money. Here are my most recent posts, hope they are helpful to you:

Patience and Planning, 8/31/11

Keeping your car clean, 8/24/11

Saving Money Around the House: In the Baby's Room, 8/17/11

Spend Less on Pricey Uniforms, 8/10/11

How to save on school supplies, 8/3/11

Checking in

This post is just to see if we fixed our posting problem. Hoping it goes through and you all, wherever you are, are having a great Tuesday.

Top Ten Back to School Saving Tips

I have started blogging for another site that offers a slew of great money saving ideas. Its one of my favorites and I have posted links to BeCentsAble before.

Here is my first post for their new feature, Never Pay Retail. I will also be writing about saving tips around the house (not sure of that title yet).

Thanks to all who gave me ideas, and hope you are staying cool this summer.

Enjoy!