Anniversaries

This weekend marked two important anniversaries for us.

First, on Friday my husband and I celebrated our five-year anniversary! It was also the six-year anniversary of him getting down on one knee on The National Mall. We have grown a lot, changed a lot, and become a much closer family in these five years. I have no idea what the next five years holds, but am excited for the journey and glad we are partners together. At the end of the day, the only thing I really need is him and our son.

Second, on a less happier note, Saturday marked the one-year anniversary of my attempted layoff. This was the day out of nowhere it seemed to me that my bosses decided the economy had hit its worst and several people had to go. Including me. I said no. I literally begged for my job, because with an infant son and an unemployed husband I had no choice and nothing to lose. I took a 33 percent paycut and managed to get a stay of execution of almost exactly two months.

While I had always been a saver, this event put my savings into high gear and really helped us lay the foundation for when the ax finally did fall. During this past year, we have had periods of no credit card debt, eaten homemade EVERYTHING and didn't go out AT ALL. We now have minimal credit card debt that could easily be paid off tomorrow, but because our savings took such a hit during the layoffs, I want to build up the next egg a big. The $20/month we pay to carry the charge is well worth the piece of mind.

Our saving goal now is to get out of here. Get out of this condo. As I have said before I love our 800 sf of love, but for three people - notably a growing, climbing little monkey -- it is simply too small. I pray that happens this year.

Now that my major project is over though, my main goal is to get back to writing here as I did before. I will begin posting more often the hot deals I find and the little nuggets I use to keep our balance sheet in the black. I appreciate my loyal readers more than you know, because in many ways you keep me on my toes.

Happy Spring! Lets hope that 2010 blooms a little bigger, brighter and happier for all.

HWDI: True partnership

I am typing this post on my Blackberry, let's see how this goes.

My son is falling asleep in his room. I am nearly 24 hours past a deadline for one of my freelance contracts and am so far behind another one I can't even see it. I feel like I have been running on tradmill non-stop for the last month.

So, the answer to the question, how we did it (or in this case) how we are doing it, (the it being staying financially and emotionally afloat) is simple: we are a true partnership.

My husband will surely laugh when he reads this. Just last night as he was playing Wii for the umpteenth consequetive night, as I was reading and writing about NASA's DART program and the different types of orbits a satellite can take, I got wimpy with him and told him how he was not affected by my working. He comes home, plays with our son for an hour or two, then our son goes to bed. I am either in the bedroom or on the couch doing work, while he gets to relax after a day of working in the office.

But that is simply not true. He has been affected. And he doesn't complain. He has done more of the cleaning up around the house, more of the dishwasher loading/unloading (a job we both hate) and more of the dinner prep. He has always been an active father, now he is more so. Today, when we learned just as he was cleaning off the car from last night's snow that daycare was infact closed, he was affected too. He is now planning on working a half-day so I can work in the afternoon.

A friend tells me often she thinks my husband and I are her only friends who are as in love with each other today as we were on the day we married. While its a compliment, I hope its not true. The key, I think, is communication. I have never once hesitated to tell my husband what I need and when. I am not talking about a mani-pedi here (although I wish for those plenty), but really need: help in the house, help with our son. I also am keenly aware of his needs: down time to play the dang Wii, extra sleep.

I am not an expert and don't pretend our lives are perfect. But I am able to do this freelance work which is the key to extricating ourselves from this 800 sf of love we call home because my husband helps me. I am grateful that my boss is unbelievably patient and understanding, and for that he has my unwavering loyalty. But my husband is my rock. He supports me in my efforts and I his. I firmly believe if a marriage is based on these principles, whatever hardships come our way, we can handle them.

So Honey, thank you! I am sorry I got wimpy last night. It was out of jealousy. I want my free time back, but we both want a bigger home, and I appreciate your supporting me in this freelance work to get us to that point more than you know.

HWDI: Two become one

This is the second in the series of How We Did It.

Communication was a key part of our survival. We have communicated pretty openly and honestly since the first day we met -- including me telling my future husband I didn't want to date him and turning him down (again) when he asked me out in front of a group of friends. (Clearly I changed my mind).

This foundation played a key role over the nine months. There were things I wanted, that my husband did not feel were necessary and I had to respect that. Likewise, there were things he wanted that I didn't. He too respected that. I don't think we fought, I mean really fought, once during this entire time. Sure we had our disagreements. And yes there were times all he wanted to do was play his Wii or all I wanted to do was read my cooking magazines. But in a marriage, especially when you have children, you have to work together and put the needs and wants of the family ahead of your own individual needs.

Lucky for us, we were never big-goer-outers (especially since our good friends moved away and we didn't have anyone to regularly go to the Irish bars with us :p)

We played a lot of Scrabble and Trivial Pursuit.

We began a Netflix account, wound up watching The Wire, among movies we hadn't seen but wanted to.

When I got discouraged, he was there lift me up and I did the same for him. Or, on those rare occasion when we both had our pity-party at the same time, our son would do something so hilarious we would both forget our cares and laugh with/at him...and soon our worries were put back in their place. Children really are priceless entertainment!

I still do the bulk of the cooking, but he began to help out more in the prep department (he always cleans up that's been the standing trade-off).

When we needed "our space" one would stay in the living room, the other would go in the bedroom. We took our son on a lot of walks and discovered just about every playground in the Northern Virginia area.

Perhaps what was most important, and this is key, we had faith. We had faith in each other and in God. I *knew* he would get a job and I also *knew* God would not let us fall through the cracks and things would work out (whatever that meant.)

I am not writing this to brag, but rather to explain. A friend has told me several times that my husband and I are the only couple she knows who are just as happy and in love today as the day we were married. At first I just thanked her, but as she said it more and more, I began to think about it. The key really has to be communication.

We never stopped communicating, and we never will. This means I will know every statistic known to man about the Yankees and he will always know exactly what I am thinking exactly when I am thinking it (like an hour after getting home telling him in extreme detail about the joker who nearly cut me off earlier in the day because some guy on tv looks like him.)

But on a serious note, we will both always know that the other has their back, because on March 12, two became one.

Nine months...

HWDI: How we did it.

This will be a multi-part series, and I have no idea how many parts it will take. But since my husband started his new job today, I figured this was a good time to start reflecting on paper, er…the laptop. Besides, this seems to be the one reoccurring question people ask us.

When my husband was laid off on Dec. 3, 2008, we evaluated our monthly expenses. We had the non-negotiables, the ‘needed’ amenities, and the extras. This is what we were facing.

Mortgage
Condo fees
Student loan
Homeowners Insurance
Magazine subscriptions (too many to remember)
Washington Post
Monthly maid
Power
Land line
Cell phones
Cable
Internet
Day care
Food
Diapers & Formula

We dropped numerous magazines immediately. As soon as they came up for renewal, we canceled. The exception being Time, which we both like and read regularly. Among the magazines canceled: Baltimore, Washingtonian, Good Housekeeping, People and Readers Digest. We still receive Cooking Light (thanks to Marie) and Parenting (thanks to Jill). My husband also gets Golf Digest free for some reason I forget, but he already said he is not renewing, not worth it.

I called Comcast, our Cable/Internet company and told them I wanted to drop all the fancy stuff and just keep Internet (we needed for his job search) and BASIC cable, since you can’t get any stations these days without it. They renegotiated our deal. And we wound up paying about $30 less and getting MORE, including a free DVR. The catch here was and is, I have to remember to call them back when this new “promotion ends” to either get the deal again or cancel it. According to my bill, that means I call in November. I am bound and determined not to forget.

Since we believed and hoped the layoff would be temporary we didn’t want our son to forget who his daycare provider was. We liked her, A LOT. So we continued to send him once a week, giving my husband a day to look for jobs.

We canceled the maid. She came once in March before my in-laws came to visit and hasn’t been back since. In the spirit of full disclosure though, I do plan on calling her next week. Our place is a mess. An absolute MESS.

I called the Washington Post, and similar to Cable, was offered a better deal if I remained as opposed to canceling. We now pay $20 for eight weeks. I think we have to call them this month to get that deal renewed, so this is serving as a good reminder.

For those with kids, you know how expensive diapers and formula are. We were just buying diapers when we needed and were spending $23/canister for brand-name formula. Our son would go through about 1.5-2 canisters a week. We switched to Target formula, which is HALF PRICE, and now get all our diapers from Diapers.com. Our diaper bill is about $42/month.

These cuts bought us some time and money and we were still able to save at a decent pace until March 13. On this day I was “laid off” for the first time. I told my bosses this was not acceptable. Hey, what did I have to lose by fighting for my job if they had already ‘fired’ me? Nothing. As it turns out, they kept me. I convinced them I was needed and valuable. But because cuts had to be made, my salary was slashed by more than 30 percent. But hey, I still had health insurance and still had an income. It had been three months since my husband’s lay off, and I had seen how little was out there. With a 9.5 month old at this point, I did not relish joining the ranks of the unemployed.

New cuts were made though.

No more daycare once a week.

No more Friday night pizza at $15. Instead we make our own, costing under $6 total for each of us, and bonus, no fighting over toppings.

I lived a mile from the White House on Sept. 11, 2001. I remember not being able to get in touch with anyone because cell phones were dead or overloaded. I will not ever live without a land line as a result. But we were paying a ton for essentially three lines under the same roof. So I called the good people of Verizon, bundled our service and cut back some of the perks we had with the cell (picture messages for one).

I started clipping coupons religiously. I had always clipped, but this time I clipped for everything. I also started paying attention to the circulars as to what was on sale and when. And I became a huge fan of generic and making from scratch. Pasta sauce has become my new favorite thing to make; it is a recipe I plan on blogging later.

We also began combining trips. Instead of three or four different trips to the store, we made all the trips at once. And if we forgot something, unless it was literally life or death, we did without…clearly not THAT important.

We ate A LOT of hamburgers, pizza, pasta, chicken 1,001 ways, crock-pot meals and pbj sandwiches. Family members belong to Costco so we went shopping with them for some frozen dinners. If we wanted a beer with dinner, we bought a bottle of the 40 oz, for less than $2.50, and split as opposed to buying a six-pack for $7 or more.

When I was eventually laid off for good on May 14, we have very little left to cut. I had brought our food bill down to about $50/week. We did not put the AC on in our home until a string of days in the 90s in July, and even then it was only sporadic. We kept the shades closed but all the windows were open to create a breeze. The exception to the shade rule was our son’s room, when he wanted to play in there; we opened the curtains and got natural light. We ate more pasta. We drank more water.

When family members gave us money to “buy something special” we didn’t. Almost all of it went to savings. The semi-morbid exception being money from my aunt went to buying a life insurance policy for both of us. Without a policy from work, if anything had happened to us, our son would have been up a creek quite literally. So we spent this money hoping and praying it would never be of use. It’s amazing what a little piece of mind can give you during these times.

We didn’t go out. We switched from Dunkin Donuts ($7/lb) to Target (<$6 for 2lbs+) brand coffee. Instead of throwing out the trash even if it wasn’t full, we pushed down the trash to get as much use out of bags. I can’t tell you the last time I ordered a picture of my son. There are so many people due wedding and bridal shower presents since we never gave them; I have no idea if we will ever catch up.

I actually missed the wedding of one of my dearest friends, something I swore I would never do, because we simply could not afford to make the trip. I will be sad about this even when she celebrates her 50th Anniversary. My husband actually missed a wedding too of one of his oldest friends. In both cases, thank god for Facebook.

We put off purchases that under normal circumstances we would need (a trash can for our son’s room for diapers, instead we used lots of baking powder/soda on the old one). I continued to wear my post-pregnancy clothes even though they were too big and falling down. That’s why God invented belts. My husband went without haircuts, despite what he calls the thatched roof of his head.

With all these cuts and sacrifices, we were still able to spend when we “needed” to, like repairing the car to the tune of more than $400 to pass state inspection, or traveling to NJ and paying for hotels/gas so we could attend the funeral of a dear friend’s father.

Perhaps the biggest thing that saved us was how we “spent” our unemployment checks. My husband’s severance ran out in early February. When he first began receiving unemployment, my salary still covered all our expenses, so his checks went IMMEDIATELY into savings. By immediately, I mean just that. As soon as we saw online that the check was deposited and credited to checking account, we transferred to our online savings account. This account earned interest. Mind you it wasn’t much, but every little bit helped.

This post is already the longest by far, so will sign off for now.